So right now, I am procrastinating—and wrapping it up in the excuse that I must blog! I avoid things that I don’t like, don’t want to do, that scare me, or that feel overwhelming. How about you?
When I do this, it often costs me time, stress, money, and shame. It usually takes me as much time to convince myself to do something as it does to actually get the job done.
I really haven’t thought much about where this comes from. Some of it is my hard wiring—ADHD. Some of it comes from having to learn to tackle most of the hard and scary things in my life alone. I try to remember the last time I truly had someone to lean on outside of my work life for the difficult things.
Because of that, I am a master at solving problems. And because of that, I am a master at solving problems…
Yes, I wrote that twice for emphasis.
But that doesn’t mean I want to, like to, or will solve them right away.
Take my garage. I avoid it. It’s a problem. There is no perfect way to tackle it, and doing it alone feels overwhelming. I have heavy things to move by myself. I have boxes from my divorce still sitting in a corner—untouched for eight years. I have things I need to throw away or donate (which is hard for me). And I have a winter mouse issue.
Any one of those things would feel overwhelming. Together they feel like Mount Everest.
I had to get up today and have a little self-talk. I set out a plan and a staging process. I know I won’t get everything done today (I hate that), and I know I did this to myself through avoidance—I hate that even more.
Avoiding it would be easy. I have another long list of things I could do first and justify instead: grocery shopping, animal care, painting, getting the truck washed, house cleaning… the list goes on.
But I won’t.
I’ve resolved to do it and set a deadline. I even called Terminix about the mouse issue to force my hand.
The real question is: what is this really about?
I think it’s two things.
First, I have about 16 hours over the next two days to enjoy myself, finish leftover work from the week, clean the house, and rest. I resent using that time for things I don’t want to do because I work so hard during the week. I want to play, explore, and rest. Life is short. I’m tired of being responsible for so much.
This feeling is rooted in always feeling like I’m alone, and moments like this reinforce that feeling and make me sad.
To this point, I say: put on your big girl pants.
(I say this to myself often.)
Second, it’s a learned behavior. I had two parents who were world-class avoiders. Why do today what we can put off? That avoidance allowed things to build into much bigger problems. They “ostriched”—burying their heads in the sand. They froze on decisions involving family, life, and health—maybe out of fear of making the wrong choice, doing something the wrong way, or failing.
To that I say: don’t be your parents.
I’m hard-wired in a different way. For me, it’s not just about the work—it’s about how well I can do it.
Either way, I will stop procrastinating here and get to work on this hot mess of a garage. It won’t clean itself. Those heavy items won’t move on their own. Those memories need to be sorted and removed—they won’t just walk away. And those mice certainly aren’t going to pack up and leave!
Big sigh.
Let me know what you avoid. What do you procrastinate on?
Tell me in the comments—I would love to hear your story.
Peggy
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